In the last several months, I’ve come across an essay titled “Welcome to Holland” over and over again. Some people love it, others don’t, but I think it’s a simple way to put something so complex into an analogy that everyone can understand.

Welcome to Holland

By Emily Perl Kingsley

“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability—to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience understand it. It’s like this:

“When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous trip to Italy. You buy guidebooks, make plans—The Colosseum, Michelangelo’s David, the gondolas of Venice. It’s all very exciting.

“After months of eager anticipation, the day arrives. You pack your bags and take off. But when the plane lands, the stewardess announces: ‘Welcome to Holland.’

“‘Holland?!’ you say. ‘What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life, I’ve dreamed of going to Italy!’

“The stewardess replies, ‘There’s been a change in the flight plan. We’ve landed in Holland, and here you must stay.’

“The important thing is, they haven’t taken you to a horrible, dirty, diseased place. It’s just… different. So, you must buy new guidebooks. Learn a new language. Meet people you never would have met. Holland has windmills. It has tulips. It even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is coming and going from Italy, and they’re all talking about what a wonderful time they had. And for the rest of your life, you will say, ‘Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.’

“The pain of that will never fully go away, because losing that dream is a significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning that you didn’t go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.”

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Navigating Between Worlds

Some days, I feel like I’m in both places at once.
Other times, I feel like I’ve been dropped into Greenland, so far removed from everyone else.

The point of the essay is simple: Life doesn’t always go as planned.

I’ve been a parent for nearly 15 years, and while things haven’t always gone the way I imagined, I never expected this journey.

When you’re pregnant, everyone asks, “What do you want? A boy or a girl?”

The standard answer? “I don’t care, as long as the baby is healthy.”

And I meant it.

With genetic testing before pregnancy, high-risk appointments every two weeks, countless ultrasounds, I really thought we would land in Italy—safe and sound.

I never even considered a detour.

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Grieving the Childhood I Imagined

I’ve probably spent too much time mourning the loss of a ‘typical’ childhood for Jackson.

I fear his childhood memories will be filled with:

• Hospital rooms and beeping monitors.
• Machines and constant pokes.
• Being woken up every night and forced to eat.
• Stressed-out parents, worried about him, about money, about everything this life entails.

I hate that for him.

But I can’t change where life has taken us.

What I can do is stop and appreciate the beauty in our Holland.

I have been entrusted with two beautiful children, who love me, who make me a better—albeit exhausted—person.

This journey is hard, but I promise you, it’s worth it.

I just hope we can stay in one place for a while…

I’m not ready to be a world traveler.